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Former Australian (leg-spinner / average poker player / pitch information expert / pizza topping over sharer) Shane Warne today hit back at allegations of (running his charity like his own private bank / sleeping with the wife of Billy Brownless / being a Scientologist / breaking Tinder).
“I have done nothing wrong” said the (legend / convicted drug cheat / wax statue) .
“My (reputation / hymen / face) is still firmly intact”.
The allegations all stem from a (brilliant piece of investigative journalism / selfie on Instagram / something Michael Clarke said to Simon Katich) that highlighted how his foundation gave a Mercedes to his (ex personal assistant / someone he probably shagged) as well as pay his mother to store (boxes of documents / boxes of baked beans / his daughter’s Anne Frank Halloween costume) at her house.
Warne says that although (some mistake have been made/ he got caught / how the hell did I get caught?), he aims to (fully correct them / take $2 million and run into the jungle / ask Eddie McGuire to make it all go away / yell at his brother Jason) as soon as possible.
His (Foundation / Diuretic supplier / Bookie) was asked to comment but (did not reply / told us to “piss off wanker” / is busy studying aliens and the pyramids).
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