The Alternative ICC Rankings

Let’s cut to the chase.

The ICC rankings have about as much depth as an English manual on T20 strategy.

Although the basics are covered, the cricketing public have a thirst for more than just mid strength beer from a plastic cup. They want real analysis. They want someone to check the data and report back to them.

We don’t need the ICC to tell us that Big 3 member England isn’t ranked in the top 4 in any form of the game. Nor do we need them to tell us that Anderson’s highest ever Test bowling ranking doesn’t even make to top 50 in history.

I have heard your collective sighs of despair. No, not at another failure by Shane Watson, but at the lack of any sensible ratings system.

So, here are the numbers that Peter Moores didn’t want you to see.

The ICC Mitch Rankings

1) Starc
2) Johnson
3) Marsh
4) McClenaghan

The T20 Matches That You Can Remember From Last Year Rankings

1) There was that one from the IPL
2) The Big Bash Final was pretty good if I recall correctly
3) Didn’t the Canadian Premier League have a trial match?
4) Nup. I’ve got nothing from the Natwest T20 borefest
5) Was it last year when Holland beat England?

The Murali Chucking Rankings

1) Ajmal
2) Hafeez
3) Narine
4) Senaneyake
5) Botha
6) Utseya

Better Potential English Captains Than Cook Rankings

1) Compton
2) Robson
3) Root
4) Bell
5) Ballance
6) Moeen
7) Buttler
8) Broad
9) Stokes
10) Anderson
11) Dernbach

Least Corrupt Indian IPL Players Rankings

No qualified players

Looks Older Than Nathan Lyon Rankings

1) James Tredwell
2) Bill Lawry
3) Mother Teresa

South African Quota Player Rankings

1) Philander
2) Behardien
3) Ontong
4) Zondeki
5) Tahir
6) Abbott

Overused Terms in the Commentary Box Rankings

1) Maximum
2) The first hour will be crucial
3) It looks like a great pitch
4) My favourite pizza topping is pineapple
5) How thirsty are ya?
6) Joining us after the break is Michael Slater and Ian Healy

Leaders more democratic than N. Srinivasan Rankings

1) Putin
2) Mugabe
3) CastroFollow @denniscricket_