The 100 Best MS Dhoni Excuses

Cricket has a long and proud history of blaming others for one’s own failings.

For example, Shane Warne blamed Joe the Cameraman for sledging team mate Scott Muller. The 1992 South African World Cup team blamed Duckworth-Lewis for not yet inventing the Duckworth-Lewis method. The Kiwis blamed Trevor Chappell for not being able to score enough runs.

You get the picture.

However, the undisputed king of excuses is MS Dhoni.

Here is a snapshot of his best 100.

It was tough to cull it down to only this amount, but it’s enough to give you a flavour.

100 – My dogs ate my game plan
99 – Stuart Binny was somehow selected in the team
98 – The groundsman didn’t follow my instructions
97 – My lawyer said the Supreme Court was about to open the secret envelope 
96 – I couldn’t understand Ravi Shastri’s instructions. Something about a tracer bullet?
95 – The rain made the outfield too slippery
94 – The sun made the outfield too quick
93 – Modi was in the USA
92 – Modi was at the ground
91 – I was dealing with a union dispute at India Cements
90 – Shane Warne asked me to visit the Advanced Hair studio
89 – You are just jealous of the IPL
88 – I no longer have an IPL team
87 – Ravi Jadeja
86 – I can’t talk publicly about my relationship with Chris Cairns
85 – We no longer have a team enthusiast
84 – I saw Anushka in the stands.
83 – KP sent me a text message
82 – They made us play in Bihar
81 – There were no decent non veg restaurants near the hotel
80 – We flew Air India
79 – Srini said his astrologist was unwell
78 – I was told I couldn’t select AB de Villiers
79 – DRS
78 – Brett Lee is in a Bollywood movie
77 – There’s only 10 teams in the next World Cup and I’m not going to sit here and just let that happen
76 – How good are turtles?
75 – I’ll have to check the data
74 – Ian Botham tweeted a picture of his manhood
73 – Spotify put a Justin Bieber song in my playlist
72 – Virat couldn’t find his beard trimmer
71 – Shikhar poked me in the eye with his moustache
70 – I thought I’d left the stove on
69 – The light towers were too bright
68 – My bank balance is too large
67 – You guys rate winning too highly
66 – The umpire was wrong to give me out bowled. I think there was some doubt
65 – Piers Morgan
64 – We were too tired
63 – I just heard that Goose died. My heart goes out to Maverick
62 – Monty Panesar couldn’t get his dual citizenship through in time
61 – Global Warming
60 – GFC
59 – KFC
58 – Sachin hasn’t paid his taxes on that car
57 – I’m only doing this press conference because I was told to
56 – My drink was spiked
55 – See, the glove doesn’t fit
54 – I had other priorities
53 – I don’t speak English
52 – I’m with Vodafone. I know. I should know better
51 – She looked 18 to me
50 – The ball was swinging
49 – The ball wasn’t swinging
48 – The ball didn’t bounce
47 – The ball didn’t spin
46 – The ball lost its shine too early
45 – We are not used to Duke balls
44 – There was too much movement behind the sightscreen
43 – The crowd was too loud
42 – My nephew got into Harvard
41 – My niece doesn’t like her husband. It was an arranged marriage
40 – They made me drink Pepsi
39 – and Frito Lays
38 – I had to protect my average
37 – The boundary rope was made in China
36 – It’s almost Diwali
35 – I wasn’t allowed a runner
34 – These pretzels are making me thirsty
33 – The flux capacitor broke
32 – I can’t find anything on the Cricinfo website since they changed it
31 – It’s the vibe
30 – This is not my dream
29 – Do you know how hard it is to be me?
28 – Ajit Agarkar
27 – We shouldn’t have to play away from home
26 – Why don’t you blame Sharma for not making 264?
25 – No, not Ishant. The other Sharma
24 – I know we were only chasing 180, but he still could have made 264 if he was committed
23 – Test matches are yesterday’s hero
22 – The Channel Nine commentators
21 – Bat sizes are out of control
20 – The Times Of India is difficult to read
19 – I don’t like blue. Why do we have to wear blue?
18 – I used the wrong hashtag
17 – It’s a genetic condition with Ashwin. He doesn’t like to talk about it
16 – The Dow Jones was up 20 points
15 – Thigh pads
14 – My driver was late
13 – So was my pilot
12 – The bread was stale
11 – The Iraq war
10 – I’m sensitive to the nickname ‘donut’
9 – I still can’t believe they banned CSK
8 – They won’t let me play in the Pakistan Super League
7 – I’ve slipped to a size 38 pants
6 – My shoelace broke
5 – They won’t let me play in The Ashes
4 – I think Star Trek is better than Star Wars
3 – Racial Quotas
2 – I come from the wrong kind of family
1 – It was Misbah’s fault
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