I was over at Wonder Woman’s house the other night. It’s hard to find, being invisible and all that.
Anyhow, over the odd glass of fine wine and some Belgian chocolates, the conversation moved to great Superhero cricketers. Many have tried, but only the best have made it into the “Superhero XI”
The Dark Knight, although a potentially racially vilifying description, opens the batting in this team. His off field millionaire playboy lifestyle also flows onto the field through devilishly handsome strokeplay and a propensity to drive through the covers in a jet propelled car.
2) The Joker
In the first surprise of the team, The Joker displaces Robin as Batman’s opening partner. Although prone to upset his partner on most days, The Joker is one tough cookie and has the patience to offset Batman’s flair and aggression. Has been one of the main reasons that Gotham City CC remains a powerhouse in the IPL. That, and he is also a crook.
A mild mannered number 3 who can turn a match on its head in a crisis. Has a proven weakness against Lex Luther and the green ball. Debuted in 1938. Longevity is therefore also a strong suit.
4) Chuck Norris
You always put your best batsman at number 4. Chuck Norris hits the ball so hard that it travels back in time to kill the chicken to bring an end to the chicken-or-egg debate.When in the field, he doesn’t shy at the stumps. The stumps shy from him. Bowlers wear the helmets when the great man bats
5) Super Mario
The little master has throughout his career taken on opponents bigger than he and rarely lost. Has an Italian passport like Jade Dernbach, so has been playing for England since 1981. Has a well documented problem of eating mushrooms, but strangely enough, it appears to have only aided his on field performance rather than stifle it
6) Duke Nukem
One who loves a sledge, Duke makes his way into the team at number 6. A hard hitting batsman and medium pacer who bowls the occasional grenade. Often seen smoking in the dressing room to the angst of his comrades. Once told Sir Dennis Lillee as he strode out to bat “It’s time to kick ass and chew bubble gum and I’m all out of gum.”
7) Spiderman (wk)
Although he started his career as a teenage boy with money problems, girl problems and family problems, Spiderman has risen to the ranks of one of the greatest wicket keepers the world has ever seen. Rarely drops a catch or lets through a bye. It’s as though he spins webs that catch every ball that goes behind the wicket.
Once just a net bowler for The Hulk, Wolverine has blossomed into a menacing fast bowler who isn’t afraid to bear his claws. Once he decided to leave his band “The Uncanny X-Men” and focus on cricket, Wolverine’s cunning animal instincts came to the fore. Always the lead antagonist when barking at Faf du Plessis. Rumoured to have convinced Mitch Johnson to grow facial hair
9) Sherlock Holmes (c)
Finally, a proper Englishman makes the team. There is no problem on field that this man can’t solve. He uses guile, cunning, wit and dare to bowl legendary spinning deliveries at the opposition.
10) The Flash
Like a panther in the field and a tear away in the vein of Shoaib Akhtar with the ball, but without the warts. A favourite of the Queen, who wrote a song about him.
Although Ken could have just have easily filled the strike bowlers role, it is Ryu who makes the team, purely on the basis that he prefers the white clothing to the coloured clothing. Appeals with the cry of “Hadoken!”, which is the Japanese word for “Howzat”
12th Man) Captain America
Unfortunately for Captain America, he wasn’t born in a Commonwealth country, and therefore, was unable to display his skills in Test matches. An impenetrable defense in the mould of Rahul Dravid.
So, do you agree with the team? Let me know in the comments section below.
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