I have been asked to apologise to Saeed Ajmal for recent tweets that have been misconstrued.
ESPNCricinfo has done a really great job of trumping up the issue.
I really wanted to say was that Saeed chucks it. Seriously, he’s more bent than Julian Clary drunk at the Sydney Mardis Gras.
But I’ve been warned off speaking the truth by the ECB. It’s how they roll.
So instead, I cloaked my tweets in layers of mystique and ambiguity. I wrote that some players bowl differently in the lab to cheat the test. This was immediately after posting a picture of Saeed throwing.
It’s not my fault Saeed has read between the lines and understood what I meant to say.
Telling lies in public statements is really the best way to go. It’s actually ECB policy now.
Look at how Paul Downton has said that no one in the team wanted KP in there.
Look at how Giles Clarke has told us that becoming bedfellows with Srinivasan can only be good for the game.
Look at how the ECB tells the paying public that County Cricket is a world class competition.
Lies clearly work.
Lou Vincent has found out too late that telling the truth doesn’t work. Chris Cairns has clearly nailed it though.
Saeed should be thankful that I lied. If I tweeted the truth and said he that his 42 degree arm bend was cheating, he may well have got rather angry.
Doesn’t Saeed know I come from the right kind of family? I bet his family is not as right kind as mine is right kind.
So, Saeed, I’m sorry.
That’s a lie too.
Kind regards
StuartFollow @denniscricket_
I’m going to lie here and say this article is brilliant satire. The understanding the author shows of the rules and games is exemplary. Equating flexing to straightening is a mistake that every five year old would aspire to make. Ignoring facts and science – as employed by scientists in the field of biomechanics – is a gutsy and courageous move. Why care about the 3D imaging software and simulation softwares scientists used to find that Saeed’s in match bowling and in lab bowling were found to be consistent and legitimate. Why care about the fact that Saeed’s elbow straightens only 8 degrees and that his elbows are naturally flexed at 23.5 degrees at all times. Why let facts get in the way of idiocy? We all know facts are an Asian conspiracy to induce chucking and cheating into the game. I’m proud of this author for the moron that he is. Well done sir. And may you continue to write worthless pieces of factually inaccurate shit.
Brilliant comment. Accurate, precise and exactly what was required.