Sangakkara’s Test Records Amended

The ICC have reacted quickly today in an effort to quell the uprising of support to have Kumar Sangakkara labelled as a modern day great.

ICC CEO, apparatchik and ex South African list clogger David Richardson was quoted as saying that the ICC had to move fast to avoid a cricketing crisis.

“Today, Kumar Sangakkara retired with a mountain of Test runs. 

While a great achievement in isolation, the ICC have been prompted to delve a little deeper to ensure we protect the sanctity of cricket’s records.”

Richardson went on to explain that Sangakkara’s Test stats were bloated by playing less of the Big 3 nations.

“Kumar averaged 57.40 for his career. But if you look at his record against the Big 3 being India, England and Australia, it becomes much less.

Well, in the case of India, his average is still well over 50 but you get my point.

Against the countries that run and profit the most from cricket, he doesn’t do as well.”

The ICC chief offered up further explanation.

“Sir Donald Bradman never got to play against Bangladesh or Zimbabwe. He also never got to play at the SSC ground in Sri Lanka.

Therefore, we were given a choice.

We could posthumously increase Bradman’s average to something like 150 to recognise what he most likely would have done against those teams, or we could cut Kumar’s average down.

We chose the latter as it was a little easier for the intern running our stats department.”

After removing Bangladesh and Zimbabwe from Sangakkara’s stats, the ICC claim that his new Test average is more like 53.87

“We believe that an average like 53.87 is much more reflective of his performances overall.

In fact, we then took another 0.1 off it to ensure it was less that Sachin’s 53.78

Kumar Sangakkara’s new seasonally adjusted Test average will therefore now be 53.77 in perpetuity.  We don’t really care if he makes a comeback. This figure is permanent.”

The ICC also removed Sangakkara’s 9 Test centuries made against Zimbabwe and Bangladesh. This brings him down to the same amount of hundreds as Bradman.

‘The comparison now looks better’ said Richardson.

“Not only is his test batting average almost half of Sir Don’s, but Bradman has a Test bowling average better than Ishant Sharma and Sangakkara doesn’t.”

The ICC believe that this change now protects the legacy of Sachin, Ponting, Kallis and Lara as the modern day greats.

“Sangakkara still has some records.

For example, no other player in Test cricket history who has a double ‘k’ in their name has made as many runs or centuries.

Kumar and Sri Lankan cricket can be very proud of that stat.

It may never be broken”

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