You get home from work.
You turn on the television. A quick flick of the remote and you land on Channel 10.
But instead of the Big Bash staring you down like Curtley Ambrose does to Steve Waugh, all you get Waleed Ali on his soap box, telling you why you are a dreadful human being for feeding your kids too much non Halal salt or some such nonsense.
Dispair.
But before you give up and settle in for the 27th repeat of Nine and a Half Men, here’s a list of alternatives that may just carry through until next year.
1) Reacquaint yourself with the wife and kids.
Remember those other people that share the house with you?
One used to share your bed until she booted you into the doghouse for ignoring her every night for the last six weeks.
To begin the reintegration, simply walk up to her with a bunch of droopy flowers from the servo and use the classic English phrase “Hi”.
2) Buy a Footy Membership
Yes, they inject unknown substances into their arm. They taught you what the “bubbler” was. Who doesn’t love being on the receiving end of a good “Hopoate”?
Despite this, footy is the only way you will get free to air night time sport for the next 6 months.
Best you get on board
3) Study the IPL
It’s a T20 league they play in India. You may have heard of it?
There’s been some change this year with two teams banned and two new teams coming in to replace them.
Does the name “Rising Pune Supergiants” get your heart racing?
Yeah, me neither. But you’ve got to follow someone right?
4) Learn to cook
Maybe try and perfect your own KFC recipe? It stands for Kids Fattening Centre and everyone needs a larger child.
Once that’s mastered, have a crack at quinoa salad with activated almonds. I have no idea what it actually is, but given you now have all this spare time on your hands, why not find out?Follow @denniscricket_
