People only write songs about you if the subject is truly remarkable or is being mocked.
Mediocrity rarely earns you an ode.
Mitch Johnson has a song.
It was written to mock him.
Graeme Smith has twice had his hand broken playing cricket.
Mitchell Johnson has twice broken Graeme Smith’s hand playing cricket.
Australia are routed 4-0 in a Test series featuring Homeworkgate, Micky Arthur, Phil Hughes, Xavier Doherty and Shikhar Dhawan’s debut.
Mitchell Johnson bowls an uninspiring 0/60 from his sole Test.
He misses selection for the subsequent Ashes.
He looks done.
Mitch Johnson is close to his mother.
His mother is not close to his new wife.
Mitch plays the peacekeeper.
It plays out in public.
Have you ever heard Mitch Johnson speak?
Could you recognise his voice?
While his mates are getting clobbered in England, Mitch Johnson plays the 2013 IPL
24 wickets at 19.12
These are the same pitches where Australian quicks couldn’t buy a wicket just weeks before.
Mitch bowls fast.
Who is this Mitch?
“He bowls to the left, he bowls to the right”
“Mitchell Johnson bowls shite”
That run up.
That sleeve tattoo.
In Zimbabwe, not even the commentary box is safe from a Mitchell Johnson swing of the bat.
The Ashes 2013
It’s when the term “scary fast bowler” was redefined.
“Broken effing arm”
We all knew it was highly likely. It didn’t need to be said.
James Anderson probably would have taken it instead of the stare he received when his middle peg was rocked.
That stare was brutal. Primal. Piercing.
It had more impact than any broken bone would have had.
Only three other Australian bowlers have taken more Test wickets than Mitchell Johnson.
Their names are Warne, McGrath and Lillee.
The latter told Cricket Australia that this boy from Townsville could play.
The latter personally guided him out of his slump.
The latter shortened his run up.
The latter also has a terrifying moustache.
His final overs in his final match brought wickets from short balls.
What else did you expect to happen.
“Mitchell Johnson is bowling”
It’s the call that made you come running to the television.