Zimbabwe Cricket have banned Tinashe Panyangara and fined him USD$1,000 for sharing the Mitch Johnson video below via WhatsApp.
That’s ZWD$768,293,579,789.03 and growing by the minute
The full story can be found here.
It all seemed a little ridiculous to me, so I sent a letter to the Managing Director of Zimbabwe Cricket, Mr Wilfred M Mukondiwa, to clarify the situation.
He gleefully obliged.
Att: Mr Dennis Freedman
Somewhere in Australia
That’s a long way away
Firstly, many thanks for reaching out to us at Zimbabwe Cricket.
The fact that the telegram actually made it to our offices is something we are very proud of.
It is true that we have banned that bowler guy for sharing a video of Mr Johnson. To scare the team like that was irresponsible.
We had our top 6 batsmen in tears, and the councelling bill is something that was cannot afford without the assistance of Allen Stanford.
In regards to your question, below is a non definitive list of ways that players can be banned.
If you get a moment, could you please take some photocopies and distribute to our team?
Our Xerox is out of toner.
How to get Banned by Zimbabwe Cricket
- Sharing a video of Mitch Johnson bowling via WhatsApp
- Sharing the upcoming Candice Falzon birthing video
- Dating Lara Bingle
- Being white and owning a farm
- Borrowing my stapler and not returning it
- Being friends with Andy Flower or Henry Olonga. Mr Mugabe does not allow this
- Changing the radio station in my Mercedes without permission
- Selling your uniform on eBay for food
- Losing to the Ivory Coast
- Working on the Penske file
- Getting out to Imran Tahir
- Dining with Imran Tahir
- Not paying your share of the airfare to send Prosper Utseya to Australia for testing
Please note that the above list is not exhaustive. At the next management meeting, we intend to add other things to the list.
For example, anyone planking, twerking or doing the Harlem Shake deserve a ban.
Should you ever visit Harare, then please feel free to visit me in my offices.
It’s pretty hard to find.
In fact, if you go to the Zimbabwe Cricket website, we try to hide our location as best we can.
Best you just send me a message via WhatsApp once you have transferred the agreed amount into my bank account.
Finally, let me leave you with these two inspiring quotes from our President Mr Mugabe himself:
“Cricket civilizes people and creates good gentlemen I want everyone to play cricket in Zimbabwe; I want ours to be a nation of gentlemen”
..and the even more uplifting:
The only white man you can trust is a dead white man”
- Dennis Does The World Cup: My essential guide to a very un-international international cricket tournament - June 2, 2019
- Dennis Does Pakistan – Full Documentary - April 14, 2019
- Dennis’ Unhelpful Guide To PSL4 - February 11, 2019
- Welcome to CBCTV - December 14, 2018
- A Critical Review of the 2018 PSL Draft - November 21, 2018