Foxtel Head Office
North Ryde, NSW
Patrick Delany CEO Foxtel: Congratulations team. We’ve just won the rights to the cricket.
[Collective cheers along with a flash mob of dancing girls]
Delany: I want some ideas on what our Foxtel Cricket 24hr channel might end up looking like?
Program Director: What about we get Warnie? He could talk about pizza toppings for an hour every week. That could work?
Delany: Excellent. Make it happen. Anything else?
Program Director: Dirk Wellham’s Variety Hour? A look back in history at cricket’s greatest glasses wearing players? Sure to be a hit.
Delany: I like your thinking. Let’s keep these ideas coming.
Program Director: Bruce McAvaney could do the “Delicious Cooking Show” featuring cuisine from different cricketing nations.
Delany: Isn’t he on Channel Seven?
Program Director: What’s Channel Seven?
Delany: I actually don’t know. I just heard someone on Twitter talking about them. Maybe it’s just a fad like planking or the Harlem Shake?
Program Director: The bit I feel we are missing is ex- Australian players and captains. Especially ones with cool nicknames like Heals and Slats. That’s always a crowd favourite. In fact, Cricket Australia tell me that Channel Nine lost the TV rights because they didn’t have enough of these guys.
Delany: I’m listening
Program Director: Well, can I suggest Michael Clarke as a caller?
Program Director: Ian Chappell
Program Director: James Brayshaw.
Program Director: What about that English bloke with the posh accent?
Program Director: No. He’s South African. I meant Mark Nicholas
Delany. Ah yeah….him. Ummm…No
Program Director: I’m told the people want more women. How about Lara Bingle?
Delany: Perfect. We should also get one of those girls from The Bachelorette and the woman from Married at First Site with those ridiculous fake lips.
Program Director: There is going to be plenty of time to fill in the schedule. Can I suggest we have Michael Bevan hitting that last ball boundary against the West Indies on repeat?
Program Director: I’m a little sad though. The Cricket Show is now dead. How will we replace that?
Delany: I’d play the Best of the Curiosity Show. Do we have the rights to show that?
Program Director: I believe they are protected by anti-syphoning laws
Delany: What are anti-syphoning laws?
Program Director: No idea. But I heard James Sutherland dismissing them the other day as if they don’t exist.
Delany: Laws are so stupid