The football World Cup is now underway in Brazil.
As cricket fans, we love World Cups.
We have one for T20, we have one for One Day Internationals and
we have one for Tests.
Given this World Cup is for football, I thought it best to complete a little guide for you.
Just like in Cricket, England will stink it up
There are World Cups in so many sports.
The non exhaustive list includes Cricket, Indoor Cricket, Football, Futsal, Fistball (yes, it’s a real thing) Hockey, Diving, Water Polo, Athletics, Baseball, Basketball, Beach Soccer, Golf, Gymnastics, Ice Hockey, Nordic combined, Pitch and Putt, Roller Derby, Rowing, Rugby League, Rugby Union, Softball, Volleyball and Amateur Wrestling
How many chances has that given England to win a trophy of significance over the years?
Lots. Like hundreds. Maybe thousands?
How many has this
great nation won?
One in football, a T20 win when T20 was hit and giggle, and one in Rugby Union.
It must be so disappointing to be an English sports fan.
So, don’t expect anything from them in this tournament. In fact, by the time you read this, they will probably be on their way home.
Just like in Cricket, England will be boring
If you thought Alastair Cook was as exciting as hearing you have caught Hepatitis B, wait until you see the English play football.
There is a very good chance that in their group matches, of which there are three, they may struggle to score more than a goal or two.
I wouldn’t put it beyond them to score none for themselves and a few for the opposition.
Just like in cricket, England recruit from overseas
There have been 33 men who have represented England in football that were born somewhere else. Add in the U21 representatives and the women, and we raise the bat for a well made 50.
To be fair, they have only chosen one foreign born player for this World Cup, but that’s still consistent with taking men from the colonies to fill local weaknesses.
There are 53 million people in England. Surely they could find a suitable left back?
Australia have also chosen to take one overseas born player. However, there are only 20 million people down here, and most of us play football codes that exist for men like rugby union and AFL.
Given this, the total pool for soccer players in Australia is probably only 37 people, give or take a few.
Algeria are clearly taking the piss, with 15 of their squad of 23 being born outside the country.
Just like in cricket, England have a crap ranking
England are ranked 8th in the World in T20 cricket. That’s just terrible.
In football, they are ranked even lower
What’s even more damning is that experts are saying this is the worst England squad off all time.
YOU HAD 4 YEARS TO PREPARE. WHAT WERE YOU DOING?
You can’t blame Kevin Pietersen for this one chaps.
Just like in cricket, England like to blame the coach
The English football team has had 4 coaches in 8 years.
No long term planning. Just blame.
“It’s that guys fault.” Always.
The results aren’t great over that period though. They are not great over any period really. No prolonged successes. See the link to the cricket team?
The greatest winning percentage from ever from an English football coach is 66.7%. Credit that to Fabio Capello, and he’s not even English.
He saw how badly English football was run and left to join the communists in 2012.
So there it is.
The most definitive guide to the
Football soccer World Cup you will ever need.
The TV coverage will be full of this…….
…… and really, that is why the soccer World Cup was invented
- Dennis Does The World Cup: My essential guide to a very un-international international cricket tournament - June 2, 2019
- Dennis Does Pakistan – Full Documentary - April 14, 2019
- Dennis’ Unhelpful Guide To PSL4 - February 11, 2019
- Welcome to CBCTV - December 14, 2018
- A Critical Review of the 2018 PSL Draft - November 21, 2018