Another World Cup. Another sook about the system from the losing team.
Yes, England have recently gone down to New Zealand as a result of rain colliding head on with Duckworth – Lewis. It also involves a bit of Stuart Broad being carted for 16 off his last over by Brendon McCullum, but why let facts ruin what is largely a great excuse to laugh at the 8th best T20 side in the world. That’s correct. England are ranked 8th. They really should have had to qualify for this tournament by having to beat Hong Kong and the Dutch. What did the ECB think would happen when they selected Jade Dernbach?
Anyhow, our mates D/L first appeared on the scene after this match below, which coincidently, was in a World Cup. Funnily enough, England were on the receiving end of good fortune this time. No crying to be heard. If you are too young to remember 1992, just skip to the 18 minute mark of the video and watch from there.
Duckworth said after this match that under his system, the revised D/L target would have left South Africa four to tie or five to win from the final ball. Seems simple right?
Well, if it was so simple, how come you and I can’t understand how it works? We know it gets the result right most of the time, but what drives this beast?
I’ve been busy with my calculator and reckon I have cracked the science behind the D/L system.
So here are the steps that make the Duckworth-Lewis system the most accurate system since the rhythm method
1) Make sure that at least one team has completed an innings
2) Send the other team out to bat and make it rain
3) Take the score at the time of the rain interruption, make comment on how good or otherwise it is, and then start your discussion on what a par score should be
4) Note that to use the term “par”, cricket had to lend the term “green” to golf. Green, is of course, the colour of the Pakistani ODI uniform and is therefore the copyright of the BCCI
5) Add some expert opinion from Michael Slater. After all, he may have passed Grade 3 maths.
6) Define the “resources” available to the team batting 2nd. These are how many overs remaining and how many wickets in hand. It also includes how many sandwiches were left uneaten at the lunch break, multiplied by the amount of sugars used in the captain’s cup of tea. Should the captain have had gatorade as a substitute, add one over. If he chose milk, slap him for being a girl
7) Ensure you call Piers Morgan and record his thoughts on the matter.
8) Display a random number on the scoreboard to ensure the fans are engaged.
9) Remove that number and ask the ground announcer to explain that the real number will be coming shortly
10) Comment that it appears that the covers are coming off. Clarify that you are not referring to Warnie’s bedroom
11) Bemoan that the covers are not coming off.
12) Show the weather radar.
13) Recall some horrible anecdote about rain and cricket.
14) Have Ian Chappell discuss how his uncle played on uncovered pitches and what’s all the fuss about?
15) Listen to some Milli Vanilli
16) By now, you should have worked out how to do this on your calculator:
17) Ask yourself “What would Jesus do?”
18) Dismiss the answer from point 16 above.
19) When in doubt, remember the answer is 44.
20) Realise that 44 is probably not quite high enough
21) Ask the umpires for the answer. If Steve Bucknor is umpiring, ask very slowly and with clear diction
22) Ask David Warner what is a fair number. Remind him that although he only has 10 fingers, 10 is not the biggest number there is.
23) Check the price of fish in Port Moresby. It could come in handy later
24) Call the Duckworth Lewis Hotline
So there you have it. You now are more credible discussing complex cricketing issues than Ravi Shastri heading a corruption investigation into Indian cricket
Any other steps I should have included? Please leave them in the comments section below.