In shock news today, English bowling coach David Saker has found someone else who wants to hire him.
The Melbourne Renegades have decided that the guy who has ruined Steven Finn, Jade Dernbach, Chris Tremlett, Boyd Rankin, Tim Bresnan, Ben Stokes and Stuart Broad is best placed to take them forward.
Renegades chief Stuart Coventry had this to say:
“It’s been a comprehensive and thorough selection process and one that we were determined to get right.
But we didn’t.
We have chosen to settle with David Saker instead. Mainly because he understands what it means to be in a losing culture.”
Coventry went on to explain further:
“David is the right person to lead the club over the next two years and drive us into winning positions.
David has been involved in a high-performance environment at the international level and had great success with England across all formats over the last five years.”
In a first for this reporter’s career, the gathered press gallery all burst into unified laughter when that last sentence was read out.
Coventry drew our attention to David Saker’s most recent achievements including:
- Coaching Steven Finn to be “not selectable“;
- Coaching a bowling attack that has lost back to back World Cup games to Bangladesh and only won 2 matches at the 2015 World Cup;
- Coaching a bowling attack that lost to The Netherlands in the 2014 T20 World Cup;
- Coaching a bowling attack that lost the most recent Ashes 5-0;
- Coaching multiple bowlers into oblivion; and
- Coaching a bowling attack that now boasts part time spinner Moeen Ali as its strike weapon.
For his part, Saker had some strong reasons for moving back to Melbourne:
“After being with an international side that competes in Test matches and World Cups, taking the reigns of a domestic T20 side makes sense. Especially one like the Renegades.
As with England, they don’t know how to make the finals. I should fit right in.
It’s difficult to see how I could make the Renegades any worse.
Didn’t they get bowled out for 57 last season?”
The Renegades squad for season 2015/16 boasts several world class bowlers in Pattinson, Siddle, Ahmed, Rimmington and Bravo.
“I reckon that with my track record, I can end the careers of at least three of those guys.
Being head coach, I also have a chance to destroy the dreams of batsmen like Wade, White, Tom Cooper and Finch as well.”