G’day to my Kiwi chums.
Still a little sore after the Gabba Test? That’s ok. It happens to the best of them.
Just keep applying the Vaseline. It helps with the chaffing.
I take it on good authority that some of you are off to Perth to see the second Test.
It’s amazingly generous that the Aussie government gives you a thing called the dole so you can travel to sporting matches.
Anyhow, I’ve prepared this handy guide on Perth for you.
– Perth is a long way away. It’s just a little further than driving from Wellington to Palmerston North.
– Perth is in the state of Western Australia. That’s because it is in the western part of Australia. That bit can confuse some travellers.
– You have a cousin who works over there for BHP or Rio Tinto. Trust me
– It is hot. Not in a Angelina Jolie kind of way. More in a temperature kind of way.
– You can talk about rugby over there because Perth is the fourth biggest city of South Africa.
– It is rarely spoken about, but the WACA pitch is bouncy.
– The beer of choice bro is Swan Lager. It’s named as a tribute to Graeme Swann, who quit on his team mid tour while in Perth back in 2013.
– The dole office can be found at 770 Hay St for emergency cash withdrawals.
– A hotel room costs the same as the annual GDP of Dunedin per night, if you can find one that is vacant.
– People from Perth don’t holiday at Bondi because it is full of people like you and those Pommy tourists. They are wiser, and choose to go to Bali instead.
– For a cultural experience, look for those wearing a hi-vis vest. These guys are the traditional owners of Perth.