Work for Buzzfeed, the Daily Mail or any one of those really annoying websites that make you flick through a slideshow to get the full story?
Then thank your lucky stars that you have flicked through to here.
Because instead of having to regurgitate and paraphrase what the serious journalists write about Shane Warne, I’ve created this simple template for you.
It is very easy to use.
Whenever you hear Warnie’s name in the news, just grab this template below and cross out random words until a story appears.
The genius in the template is that no matter what combination of words you come up with, it will always be 100% accurate.
Not only that, it comes with a guarantee of getting 20% more clicks than if you had to write something original yourself.
All that time and effort saved can be better utilised playing the Xbox.
Let’s do this!
Former Australian (leg-spinner / average poker player / pitch information expert / pizza topping over sharer) Shane Warne today hit back at allegations of (running his charity like his own private bank / sleeping with the wife of Billy Brownless / being a Scientologist / breaking Tinder).
“I have done nothing wrong” said the (legend / convicted drug cheat / wax statue) .
“My (reputation / hymen / face) is still firmly intact”.
The allegations all stem from a (brilliant piece of investigative journalism / selfie on Instagram / something Michael Clarke said to Simon Katich) that highlighted how his foundation gave a Mercedes to his (ex personal assistant / someone he probably shagged) as well as pay his mother to store (boxes of documents / boxes of baked beans / his daughter’s Anne Frank Halloween costume) at her house.
Warne says that although (some mistake have been made/ he got caught / how the hell did I get caught?), he aims to (fully correct them / take $2 million and run into the jungle / ask Eddie McGuire to make it all go away / yell at his brother Jason) as soon as possible.
His (Foundation / Diuretic supplier / Bookie) was asked to comment but (did not reply / told us to “piss off wanker” / is busy studying aliens and the pyramids).