Graeme Swann has today come out in support of embattled ex team mate Ian Bell.
Bell failed yet again, making only 1 in his first Ashes innings of the summer.
“What Ian needs is just a little hug from my nanna and some guidance” said Swann.
It’s not as though he has ran out of ideas on how to look terrible at the crease.
Seeing him charge down the wicket at Lyon first ball was uglier than watching Phil Tuffnell field.
He has that part of his upcoming exit absolutely nailed.
Bell’s last nine Test innings read 11,1, 0, 0, 1, 29, 12, 1, 1
It’s an amazing coincidence that read like that, it’s the phone number to my favourite pizza shop.
“Hello Pizza Express? Can I order a Supreme please? Hold the bell peppers.” [chuckle]
Swann believes he has the skills and experience to help Bell quit in the most offensive manner possible.
Look, he has the crappy results on board. All he needs to do is plan what words he wants to say to his teammates after Lord’s.
Look at his Cardiff innings. Unless he changes his name to Chris Martin, it’s not exactly a wagon wheel he will be showing his grandkids.
When I quit on my buddies in Australia, all they got was an insipid wave as I excited the Perth dressing rooms. I’ve learned from that.
If I had my time again, I would have slipped in a little “See ya” to ensure maximum impact.
This is what Bell should be practising. There’s no point him swinging and missing at balls in the nets anymore.
Best to go before you get sacked.
Team solidarity is overrated anyway.
For his part, quitting on his teammates has proven lucrative for Graeme Swann. He now masquerades as England’s version of Shane Warne behind the microphone.