As you may have heard, the Supreme Court of India has today made some statements in regards to corruption in the IPL, as well as some rather unfounded rubbish aimed at my character.
You can even be a Vice President of Indian Cements if you want.
Speaking of rubbish , the Supreme Court alleges that the BCCI “…. is filled with filth, there needs to be some serious cleaning:”. I don’t dispute this fact. In fact, since we changed cleaning contractors last year, my bin is rarely emptied and the shrines to Meiyappan haven’t been dusted. This is totally unacceptable and we will be launching an independent inquiry headed by Laxman Sivaramakrisnan shortly.
Next, the Supreme Court says that I must step down to ensure a “free and fair probe” into IPL corruption. Now listen here Mudgal. I’ve told you from day one that you can probe for free. We will not charge you. It’s not like you are the BBC wanting to use our press boxes. In fact, to assist your probe, I’ve told Harsha Bhogle to share some of that BCCI branded lubricant that we use on him from time to time. It’s very effective for probing.
Also, you ask “Why is Srinivasan sticking to his chair. If you don’t step down, then we will pass the order”. It’s not that I don’t want to step up from my chair. My leg has gone numb from sitting on it for so long. But given how much I sweat and these chairs are vinyl, I’m kinda stuck. So go ahead and pass the order. Send your biggest crowbar. Also, tell underwear enthusiast Meiyappan to bring me a spare pair of jockeys for me to change into afterwards. The big ones.
Next, you say you won’t listen to arguments from the BCCI lawyers until I stand down. Who do you think you are? Clearly you are simply cronies of Mudgal. How much did he pay you? I’ll pay double. You can even be a Vice President of Indian Cements if you want. What’s your favourite part of cement? Lime? Sand?
Finally, I am announcing that Ravi Shastri will head a BCCI inquiry into why the Supreme Court of India has maintained it’s independence. He begins next week. MS Dhoni will announce Shastri’s findings tomorrow.
If you want to ask me any more questions, please contact my secretary Giles Clarke