Local Birmingham man John Smith today announced that he had invented a new outdoor game.
“I’m calling it cricket. Essentially you hit a ball with a stick.
The best bit is that it is played outdoors. That should help with your Vitamin D levels.”
Mr Smith went in to share that cricket will be played on a rolled stretch of earth compacted with clay.
“I wanted a synthetic pitch, but these haven’t yet been invented so clay it is.
Yes, I understand that when these get wet from rain that they become muddy and that the game will have to stop.
But the lefties and greenie wankers tell me that global warming is here, so I expect it to rain much less in England in the future.
By the time the Champions Trophy arrives in June 2017, England will be like the Sahara Desert.
I wouldn’t worry about a thing. No games will be affected.”
Historical data shows that Birmingham averages 26 rainy days in June with 130mm falling over the month.
For context, that is more rain than Melbourne gets over a 6 month period.
When asked why he didn’t invent cricket as in indoor game given the wet English climate, Mr Smith had this to say:
“Well, it’s an outdoor game. Innit. I’ll also come up with a bit of Duckworth-Lewis. That’ll fix everything. “