The ECB have today released a tender looking for “Someone to Blame”.
ECB Chairman Colin Graves announced the move at an empty SCG in front of his personal assistant and 3 seagulls.
‘In 2014, we tried a few scapegoats.
In the first quarter, we accepted a strong offer from Kevin Pietersen to represent the ECB as the “Someone to Blame”.
However, that relationship became untenable when he released his book.
Although primarily fiction, we believe that it distracted him from his “Someone to Blame” obligations under the contract.’
Graves went on further to describe their next disappointment.
‘Alastair Cook presented us with an unsolicited bid to take over the “Someone to Blame” mantle in September.
This was accepted by the ECB, as prior to that we had offered trials to Graham Gooch, Andy Flower, Mushtaq Ahmed and the weather.
None of these trials were successful, as all candidates failed to gain any traction for the ECB.’
The ECB terminated the services of Cook in December, following his attempt to get out of his committments.
‘Unfortunately, Alastair decided that he no longer wanted to be the “Someone to Blame”.
In fact, he overtly courted the media insisting that he be released from his “Someone to Blame” contract.
In those scenarios, the Board believes it best to end the relationship.’
When Graves was asked what the ECB was looking for in a new “Someone to Blame”, he was rather open with his response.
‘Pretty much anyone who is happy having us leak stuff about them to the English media.
We may release a dossier about you, or offer you the Board’s full support when it is clearly inappropriate to do so.
We are hoping Eoin Morgan or Jonothan Trott responds.
It’s always easier for a foreigner to step into a role like this we think’
The ECB said the tender closes immediately after England are eliminated from the World Cup Finals in March.