In a move likely to come under scrutiny from WADA, England defeated New Zealand in the first ODI overnight.
Speaking after the win, new coach Trevor Bayliss said:
“I’m not even the coach yet. They did what?”
Irishman Eoin Morgan asserted that he was at the ground and witnessed the whole event unfold.
“When they shipped me to Australia last year, I thought I was being transported. But it turns out they just want me to be captain for the World Cup.
It was a strange feeling when we got to 400. That’s like a lot.
After the match, we stood around looking dejected as always. We just assumed that’s what you do.”
ECB Chairman Colin Graves says that the win was a victory for “New Era v7.0”
“After Jason Roy’s golden duck, I was going to announce ‘New Era v8.0.
In fact, I had the paperwork ready. It’s just that it got stuck in the fax.
Who knew that a New Era actually meant you had to turn over players?
Anderson, Broad, Bell, Taylor, Ballance and Woakes can all play in the IPL now. It’s unlikely we will ever need them again.
We are that good.”
Andrew Strauss lamented the fact that old friend Kevin Pietersen wasn’t around to share the moment.
“We couldn’t have done this without him. Or something like that.”
Debutant Jason Roy was still obviously excited after contributing a splendidly make 1st ball duck.
“When do we get our MBE’s?”
A spokesman for the ECB asked that anyone wanting to climb onto the bandwagon should form an orderly cue behind Michael Vaughan.