Below is a full transcript of the ECB Media Statement regarding the Eoin Morgan Blackmail Plot
The ECB can confirm that One Day International captain Eoin Morgan of Ireland has been threatened with blackmail over a sex tape he made in Hobart.
The ECB are deeply disturbed by these proceedings, given how utterly average the girls are in Tasmania.
Commenting on the matter, Managing Director Paul Downtown said:
“It is a sad state of affairs where you check into The Old Woolstore Hotel, open up Tinder and discover there are only maybe 25 available ladies for the whole team and support crew.
Eoin, being a redhead and all that, wasn’t left with much of a choice after Cooky, Broady and Jimmy had picked the better ones. Even David Saker went ok.
Poor Eoin therefore made the fatal mistake of allowing the rather portly 46 year old single mother of 6 to record the session on her iPhone. She said she just wanted to take a selfie.
We have asked Tinder consultant Shane Warne to help us implement an awareness and proper usage training program.
We thank the Metropolitan Police for not uploading the tape onto YouTube.”